Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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