his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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