Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
