Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize