and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
