I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
