You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm always down for nudity.
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