Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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