do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
