Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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