Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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