so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT