I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.