I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.