If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
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So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And then the night went full on bisexual.