I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize