Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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