just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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