why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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