Betty ford says i'm here all night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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