U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
