oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
