She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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