I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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