Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
