i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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