and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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