Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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