Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
