I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.