am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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