maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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