Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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