I molested 6 butterflies tonight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
