dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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