u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Congratulations! We have a period
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