my mouth tastes like poor choices
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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