i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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