Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize