Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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