After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
