bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
