Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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