i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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