sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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