We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
