No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
