btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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