I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
