the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
