the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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