Christians are straight up FREAKS
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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