So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
